God Put You in Charge

I have been asked repeatedly about various advice I could give on actually having all these babies -- questions about pregnancy, birth, and the early days with a newborn. My baby is 18 months old now, so I don't currently have the "baby on the brain" syndrome I do when I'm pregnant. Maybe I just try to forget it all! No, really, I have been blessed to have fairly easy, healthy pregnancies and births. Although, after 72 months of pregnancy so far, I have done my share of complaining about it. With all this in mind, I will start writing on some of these baby having topics under the label of Nine Months.

My first piece of advice would be to have a pregnancy and birthing philosophy and then to find a caregiver, a doctor or midwife, who understands and supports your philosophy. So, the first part of this is to develop your philosophy on childbearing. There are lots and lots of books to help guide your thinking. Some of the materials I like are available through La Leche League International, the Couple to Couple League, and the Bradley Method of Childbirth. I think Dr. Sears' books are very helpful too; he has books on pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding or parenting.

My own philosophy starts with the fact that I believe that, with God's help, I am the person primarily responsible for my own health and for having a healthy pregnancy, birth and baby. I am not at odds with the medical community, but I don't think they always have the same considerations as I do when making health care decisions for me and my family. Further, it is my family who will have to live with the consequences of any of our decisions, not the doctor or midwife giving advice. I see the doctor or midwife as a professional I hire, whose informed opinion I appreciate and seriously consider, but whose advice is not a command which I have to follow. If I disagree with an opinion, I very respectively share the information I have and communicate with them how I think it relates to me, and then offer an alternative. All this requires a commitment to taking responsibility for educating myself and the courage to advocate for myself and my unborn baby. As I have tried to find like minded caregivers, usually midwives, I have found they usually agree with my decisions and share that their offerings are "just how it's done, but not necessarily beneficial."

I have friends who are really into epidurals and all that entails. I think that is fine for them, if that is what they want. I hear them, however, often complaining about all the consequences of choosing a highly technological birth with lots of unnecessary intervention. For me, I think it is important to use the technology we have judiciously, only as needed. Choosing a natural pregnancy and birth, with little intervention, is a way to safeguard my fertility and to ensure future healthy outcomes.

So, take charge of your own health care, find a supportive caregiver, learn everything you can, and don't be afraid to advocate for yourself, because nobody loves that little baby more than you do.

Children in Church

We always go to Mass. We find somewhere to go when we travel, and it is never in question whether to attend when we're home. A person in our family has to be pretty sick to be exempted. Cultivating this attitude has brought many blessings to us. One, we have great friends at Church. Two, we never argue with the children about going. Three, our family worships together, and God has bestowed many graces for our obedience, and the children have learned where our faith falls in our priorities, it is number #1. Also, note, we always take our children to Mass, from the Sunday when our first-born was three days old, to now attending with eight kids, aged 14 down to 18 months. I write this to encourage others to do the same, so what follows are some suggestions to make your Sundays work more smoothly.

1. Start the evening before. Make sure everyone gets a good dinner, a warm bath, hair-washed, nails clipped, a cozy story and an early bedtime. Also, make sure that Sunday clothes and shoes are clean and ready to go.

2. Get up with plenty of time to get ready. The first thing I do is lay things out for a simple breakfast. Also, I pack what we need to go: sippy cups, small religious books, baby sling, offering, and anything I need for someone I may see. Then I get my shower before everyone else arises.

3. After the kids are up, they know the routine, quick breakfast and straight upstairs to brush teeth, wash faces, comb hair and get dressed. They have designated Church clothes, so they know exactly what to where. They must get dressed to the shoes before they can do anything else. During this time, we usually have dad or a big kid minding the kitchen, making sure the little children get fed and the dishes get done. I am directing everyone to their task of getting ready, while dressing the babies. Lastly, I have a few minutes to quickly get dressed.

4. Before we leave I make sure each child gets a sip of water and visits the bathroom. If I lived farther away, I would do this after arriving and before taking our seats. Unless there is an emergency, we do not allow the children to take trips to the bathroom during Mass.

5. Another rule: find your place and stay seated, no musical chairs. It helps not to let "problem siblings" to sit near to each other. Also, keep little ones on your lap. They learn to be content in firm and loving arms, especially when given some hugs, tender kisses and whispers.

6. We don't take our kitchen and playroom with us. The only exception may be a sippy or a little picture Bible for our littles. It is a distraction to have toys, books, papers, crayons, food, etc.. for kids to drop, shuffle about, fight over and eventually become bored with anyway. It is a good discipline for kids to learn to sit still for this limited amount of time. They definitely can do it.

7. Sit near the front. Although it is tempting to hide in the back for a quick exit, it usually invites trouble for us. One, that's where all the kids with the toys and food are, so my kids are naturally curious and distracted by that scene. Also, the children cannot see what's going on. When we sit near the front they learn so much of the liturgy of the Mass and actually listen to the homily and scripture readings.

8. If we must step out with a little one, baby or toddler, they are not rewarded with a nursery or "cry room" experience. They don't get toys or get to toddle about with friends. They are held in my arms in the back of the Church. I may pace about, rock back and forth, or sit and nurse a fussy baby, but they don't get to play.

9. Lastly, praise and reward. Tell your kids how great they were! Maybe they were super polite to an elderly person, or kind to a younger sibling, or very attentive and reverent. Whatever it was find something to let them know you noticed them trying to be good. Then pull out the Sunday treats! We are pretty health food conscious during the week, which makes the donuts and coffee cake we enjoy on Sunday extra special. We also reserve Sunday as a day of rest and family recreation, so the kids always look forward to spending the day together, especially with their daddy.

Pray Through Your Days

Sometimes I feel inadequate when I picture the perfect Catholic family in prayer. Perhaps the same image comes to your mind.....the image of children and parents quietly, piously, kneeling with rosaries in hand, sincerely meditating on the mysteries, and getting through at least a few decades with little disruption. Of course, this family is able to do the family rosary at a regular time each day, like clockwork. Now, please know that I have nothing, nothing against families who are able to do this, and I certainly love the rosary as a prayer, but around here the rosary is better meditated upon in the car on long trips. Somehow settling everyone down in the hustle bustle of life confounds me.

Still, we pray. We pray a lot. Learning to pray with your children through the day, through each transition of the day, is learning to make prayer for you and your children an integral part of life. We pray when we get up, when we eat, sometimes when we're finished eating too, when we start school, finish school, leave on an outing and return, when we go out to play or the kids are running out the door somewhere, when we pass a church, when we hear a siren, when we're going to bed. We pray. Sometimes the prayers feel rushed, sometimes it's a quick Glory Be, sometimes the prayers are longer and of our own words. The point is to pray, and to make the act of praying a natural and frequent part of the day.

Don't stumble upon the vision of the perfect family rosary, just start offering up your moments to God, and share them with your children.

Peace, Hope

Renew Your Mind

In the book of Romans we read that we should not be "conformed to this world." [Romans 12:2] We also know from Scripture that we are to consecrate ourselves in truth. [John 17:17] Understanding how this translates to how we live our lives can be transforming. Many would believe that these Scriptures merely call us to avoid sin, but I think that, as the passage in Romans says, we are to totally "renew our minds." It is extremely difficult to live among our friends, neighbors, even our extended family and other Catholics, and not be influenced by worldly ideas and practices. It can be even more difficult to constantly find ourselves swimming against the tide as we live out our lives striving towards holiness.

I think we receive the graces to lead holy lives by filling our minds with those things that are Godly and true. If we are immersing ourselves in prayer, spiritual reading, and partaking in the sacraments, our spirits and minds will be disposed to holy thoughts, wisdom and understanding. If, however, we are filling our minds with junk women's magazines, romance novels, and television, our minds will not be as easily influenced by Godly things. We will be constantly fighting the worldly zeitgeist that sways our thinking.

The truth is that a worldly way of thinking, leads to a worldly way of acting. Maybe it does not lead to apparent or outright sin, as we think of sinful acts, but filling our minds with worldliness brings confusion and an incongruity between what we desire, which is hopefully joy, peace, and holiness, and what we have the courage to live. If we allow our minds and spirits to be weak, through lack of prayer or worldly distraction, we tend to take our cues from the people around us, not from the leading of the Spirit.

So then, dear sisters, I extol you....."Do not conform yourself to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2

Peace, Hope

Routinize Your Schedule

I have tried using strict schedules to manage my days, schedules like the ones suggested in Mothers Rule of Life or Managers of Their Homes. I think formulating a well thought out schedule can be very helpful, but around here, with three kids four and under and big kids with lots of activities and outside work, strict scheduling can be frustrating. What I have found workable is to have a routine where some things are scheduled, meals perhaps, or outside the house commitments, or wake times, or bedtimes, but most things are routinized. By routinized I mean if we are out late the night before, perhaps the kids can sleep a little longer, but the tasks for morning and breakfast remain the same. Dinner and bedtimes can be shifted as needed too, but the routines and tasks that belong to each remain. This way our days follow a predictable sequence of events, but if the demands of life necessitate us shifting some things around, it still works without everything falling apart.

So, roughly, our days look like this:

Breakfast and morning tasks

School time

Lunch and noon tasks

Quiet time/reading time/NAPS

Snack and afternoon tasks

Activities/free time

Dinner and evening tasks

Bed time/reading

I assign particular tasks for each child, and it seems to work to have chores at the same time as meals, some before, like picking up the clutter, some after, like dishes or laundry. This seems to work for us as we can get a lot done, but aren't tied to getting them all done at an exact time, as each day is different.

Peace, Hope

New Perspective on Cooking

I have mentioned before that when I get down about a household task, I think of women with the same tasks, but much less accommodating circumstances. Laundry is one chore that tends to get me down, another is cooking. It seems like there is always someone around here who’s hungry. So, a big boo-hoo to me, as I walk to a full pantry and a new refrigerator to choose the ingredients for the next family meal. I can even turn on my stove with the turn of a knob. Imagine how I’d complain if I had to fetch the firewood before dawn and start a fire to make breakfast. Wow, we westerners are spoiled!

God, thank you for clean, healthy food and water to feed my growing family, and help us to be grateful for the work and sacrifice that went into every bite we take. Be with those who are truly hungry and thirsty, God bless them.

Peace, Hope

Response to Comment, Looking Good for God or Man

A reader commented the following in response to An Authentic Show.

"You are what you are in the eyes of God, and nothing else."- St. Francis of Assissi

I tend to disagree with your statement, "I want to make a good impression and represent big families and my Catholic faith well." We should avoid scandal, but I think it is an error to attempt to 'look good' in the sight of people who are looking with the eyes of the world. Our judgments are based on the combination of our perceptions and our premises. A worldly premise will always lead to a worldly judgment, no matter what evidence is presented.Avoid giving any evidence of violation of the natural law, which you and the worldlings share alike. But even so, do that for God, not for men, and ignore the rest.Will people always make their little comments? Of course. Remember that your life is a standing rebuke to every person living a materialistic lifestyle.

"Let us therefore lie in wait for the just, because he is not for our turn, and he is contrary to our doings, and upbraideth us with transgressions of the law, and divulgeth against us the sins of our way of life." (Wisdom 2:12)

God love you for wanting to make the Faith look good. But that is not a task for you. The appeal of the Faith is not you or I, but Jesus Christ. Let them see Jesus Christ in you, and you have represented the Faith well. So let me ask you this, are people more inclined to see Jesus Christ in you if your family measures up well to the standards of the world, or if their curses and insults are returned only with kindness?

"Blessed are ye when they shall revile you, and persecute you, and speak all that is evil against you, untruly, for my sake: Be glad and rejoice, for your reward is very great in heaven." (Matthew 5:11-2)

Point taken! Absolutely, my concern should not be for worldly praise. The eyes of men are not the eyes of God. I think, however, the main point of the essay was to work towards the development of virtue. This work towards virtue, done for the love of God, will empower us to present ourselves properly, as ambassadors of Christ.

I think it is important to remember, though, that by virtue of vocation, some have more of a struggle living in the world, but not of the world. At times, for me, I think it would be easier to wear a nun's habit, so that everyone just had an apparent explanation for my counter cultural lifestyle. A nun's dress would satisfy curiosities about my Catholic oddities. As it is, I have to appear to be normal, even with a long string of kids, behaving in various shades of good or bad, depending on the day, while people comment ("How do you do it?" "You must be a saint!" "It's superwoman!" No, I'm just a normal person with a lot of kids) or suggesting I should be turned into Child Protective Services for snarling at a kid (Doesn't every mom do this now and then, even moms of two? I really do love my kids, all eight of them!).

I don't know if all this is making my point, but I guess I am saying that ultimately, yes, all that matters is that we do the will of God, and if that is what we are doing, then nothing else matters. Overt concern with the thoughts of men are sheer vanity and pride. However, it can be a struggle to be cast in the limelight whenever one is in public, just because you have eight kids. Truly, imagine that everywhere you went, every time you went out, eyes followed you and your children around. I do think this issue is worth addressing, just because it is a very real occurrence for big families.

Peace, Hope

Response to Mother of One

I have had it on my mind to comment on a couple of posts found in my comment section. So, even though it has been a few days, I am going to try to get to them both today. Here's the first:

As the mother of an only child, I would like to offer you one piece of advice (in two parts) to help your big family look good to smaller families:a. When a parent of fewer children is complaining about something her child did or feeling overwhelmed, never say, "You think that's bad? Just imagine dealing with that AND four other kids!"b. When a parent is talking about something she does that you don't do, never say, "Oh, that's great, but it's just not possible to do that with a bigger family."I hear both of these surprisingly often, and they strike hard at my general tendency to view moms of many with awe and respect!

Thank you, and I agree, constant references to family size can be tedious. I do have one friend who has several children, and she does tend to frequently refer to the number. I tend to get tired of people always referring to our number of children and making comparisons, just like you. Except it's in reverse! I have friends with small families who reference some challenge with their child or with housework, and it's they who say, "Well I'm sure you have it much worse," or some such comment. My response is always something like, "well laundry is laundry, and it's never fun." I really believe that we cannot know the stresses or challenges of another, and even though a family only has 1 or 2 children, they may be dealing with issues that does make their day to day life more difficult.

However, I would add, that perhaps the mother with many children who is making the comments about the magnitude of her challenges, is truly overwhelmed. Many children do bring much work, and perhaps this lady is feeling the burden. I am very grateful for my friends who have smaller families who offer to give rides to my children to events or take on the brunt of organizing things at Church for all our children.

Your second point is about mothers referring to things you can do that they aren't able to do, given the size of their crew. I may be guilty of this! I don't know what others' motivation is, but I can tell you mine. In fact, this is a topic I have intended to write about, but I'll just touch on it now. I think this may stem from guilt! Often I envy the mother who has fewer children and has time. She has time to go on neat field trips, time to organize home school theatre productions, time to do cool time lines and unit studies and crafts. Perhaps this comment is more of a compliment about all the nice things you do for your child, nice things that a mother of many looks upon with a touch of envy.

I guess, in a way, these comments, and your reactions, is about a perceived divide. A perceived divide between big families and smaller families. I just don't think one really exists. Where there are misunderstandings, let charity reign.

Peace, Hope

Prayer and Planners

The school year has barely ended and already I have to start planning for next year. My intention is to get all my school planning and book organizing done within the next couple of weeks, then I'll have the summer to relax, without the big black cloud of school planning hanging over my head. I put in an order today for some of my favorite resources and thought I would share.

First is the Children's Daily Prayer book from Liturgical Training Publications. I have used it for a many years, and it is a simple way to bring daily prayer with your children into your routine.

My second purchase is a daily planner for me from Family-Centered Press. It is specifically Catholic and includes a lot of Catholic content. Different sizes are available and it can be purchased spiral bound or whole-punched. There is also the option of having a menu planner and lesson planner included. I like having a calendar that spans the school year, as I don't like a calendar that starts with January, and splits my school year up.

I also really like having student planners for each of my children. These planners from Pflaum, I have used these for a couple of years now, and they have made a big difference in our schooling. Each of my students has their own planner which I write their lessons in a week or two in advance. The children are then responsible for getting their work done fairly independently, as it is all laid out for them. It is also a good place to leave little notes and other reminders. These planners are Catholic as well, and include information on Saint's days, the liturgical year and Scripture.

Peace, Hope

Ducks in a Row

I hear all the time from people that I am so brave to take my children out in public. I do take them out with me often to do my usual errands and we go on family outings and to dinner a lot. They are not always perfectly behaved in public, but they really are pretty good. One thing that has helped is to practice the behavior that we expect at home and to be very clear, before we even get out of the car, with our descriptions of how the children should behave. We do this every time we go somewhere. I think it is important for the kids to hear where they are going and why, even if it seems obvious, and to explain exactly what they can expect and how you expect them to behave. Then when misbehavior starts, all it takes is a look, a little reminder, or a gentle pull towards you.

One little thing that helps is to pair buddies together, like they do in preschool, where two kids walk holding hands. I often have each of my three big kids in charge of each of my three littlest kids, then the two in the middle hold hands and walk near me. Also, we do the "ducks in a row" where everyone has their place in line, usually the younger ones in the front with me, then the children walk in order behind. It is very cute, and keeps us from taking up a whole aisle in the store or in a crowd. We even practice the "ducks in a row" at home marching around through the house.

When you are carting eight children around and you have to keep your eye on all of them, you can't have them all going different directions -- I only have two eyes! We often tell the children it is their job to stay with us and to keep their eyes on Mom and Dad.

It all comes down to practice, talk and training, as with anything else. Kids usually don't just know what to do, they have to be taught. Good luck on your next outing!

Peace, Hope

Hand in Hand to Heaven

I was teasing one of my sons the other day, saying, "You belong to me; you're mine." As I grabbed him and hugged him. Of course, he pulled away laughing, then collapsed into a hug, all while asserting his absolute independence from me. "No," I told him, "I helped make you; you belong to me; you're my baby; you are MINE." Nope, not anymore, my young teen reminded me. "Okay, then, how about this one?" I said, scooping up my baby, my one year old, "This one is definitely still mine, she belongs to me!" Nope, not her either, my son says, "You're just her steward."

"You're just her steward." My son was so right. Although I like to think of these kids as mine, and in a sense they are, of course; but no, not really, they're not mine. They belong to God, and I am their steward. Putting my relationship with my children in this perspective really puts a different emphasis on my parenting job. These children are not mine to mold into my own little images of what I think a good person or a good Catholic is. Sure, I must lead them and teach them and provide a good example to them. I must care for their bodies, nurture their souls, and help to enlighten their minds. I have authority over them and even the mandate to guide them, but it is not as a person superior to them, it is as a sister in Christ.

When I first contemplated that my primary relationship with my children and my husband was not as parent or wife, it was as their sister in Christ, I was struck. For one, I felt a freedom in understanding that these children had full integrity as persons, just as much as anyone else, and they had an entirely unique vocation and relationship with God that was separate from me. Knowing this relieved the burden of feeling that it is all up to me. God loves each of them and has a plan for them, in a way which I cannot even really comprehend.

Second, as their sister in Christ who is a little farther down the road, it is my job to guide these children and love them, but it is more as an equal, for we are all equal in Christ. Understanding this equality with them has helped me appreciate each individual as a friend and see our parent/child relationship as one primarily rooted in the virtues of charity and friendship.

In a book on meditations, In Conversation With God, Francis Fernandez, referencing R. Garigou-Lagrange, writes:

Piety towards others leads us to judge them always with kindness, which walks hand in hand with a filial affection for God our common Father.

So, in a sense, our children are the ones God has called us to walk hand in hand with, as brothers and sisters in Christ, sharing the road on the journey to sainthood. We parents are just the ones holding the map -- at least for a time.

Peace, Hope

An Authentic Show

The other day I was talking to a friend, the mother of nine, and she mentioned that when you have a big family, you just can't drop the ball on anything. You know, things like forgetting a school lunch or not having the right soccer jersey or missing a dance recital or being late for a musical. Her comment gave me some pause, and I thought, she's right; I put that same pressure on myself. What it is, I think, is that although everyone is late now and then, or forgets or misplaces things, when a mother of a big family makes some such error, we think that others will believe that obviously we have too many children -- too many children to care for properly. The pressure increases, too, when there are all the more people, places and things to keep track of and be on time for, it can make one's head spin!

I guess that is one of the little things that makes having a big family in this culture more difficult. Just the natural assumptions, biases and misunderstandings people have about big families. I imagine it would be nice to live in a society where big families were the norm, a society where we mothers of many could show up in public, late, with a mismatched toddler, a forgotten permission slip, and a little boy with grubby hands, without anyone thinking that we're not up to the task of parenting.

I have been struggling with this for a while. Where I live, for various reasons, our family has been in the "public eye" of our community a good bit. Of course, I want to make a good impression and represent big families and my Catholic faith well, but how do we find the balance between wanting to give a respectable presentation, which is a good thing, while avoiding the sins of pride and vanity?

I think it is important to live authentically, that's where we find the balance. It is important to teach our children to be well mannered and dress appropriately. It is important that we, as mothers, work hard to stay organized and practice being responsible and prayerful about our priorities. If we're doing theses things during our hours and days at home, it will "show" when we're out --- and it won't be a "show" either, it will be real. However, at the same time, if our littles are displaying their authentic selves with ice cream dripping down their shirts, or a couple of our authentic preschoolers get into a fight in the check out line, or we are late for Mass, we can't get all hung up on these failures. They are lessons in humility. And, let me tell you, it's especially humbling to make these public foibles when you look up and notice all the eyes are on your family, fingers are pointing, and mouths are silently counting 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8.

Ready or Not, Here High School Comes!

I am reading this link on homeschooling through high school, and I can’t believe we start high school here next year; my oldest starts ninth grade, and my second oldest is right on his heels. It truly seems like yesterday that my three oldest were all littles, spending our homeschooling days reading together and doing silly experiments and investigating the outdoors. I guess some families continue with this sort of laid back lifestyle in high school, but for us high school will be much more structured, much more structured. Whew, we’ll see if I’m ready for this. I used to be sort of cavalier about it all -- thinking that, of course, we’d homeschool through high school – easy. Hmm, I’m not so confident now. Not that I don’t believe that God calls us to homeschool, I do; and not that I don’t feel our home is the best place for my kids to learn, it is …..It’s just that sometimes I wonder if I’m really up to this challenge. I mean, it really counts now, you know?

We investigated all of our educational options, prayed, asked questions, prayed some more, and decided to continue homeschooling through high school. What I was once so sure of, I had to pray for peace about. That peace is coming to me now, especially over the last few weeks as we prepared our curriculum for next year, and my student in question turned 14. FOURTEEN! Wasn’t he just four?

I am so proud of my son. Over the last year he has grown taller, then even taller! His voice has dropped an octave, his face started breaking out, and he decided to grow his hair long. He adores his little sisters; he is a gentleman; he works hard and studies hard. He is thinking seriously about the priesthood and is now making getting into the Naval Academy his primary academic goal. He doesn’t spend all his time on his i-pod or instant messaging or gaming or have a “my space” page. He cuts the neighbors grass, works towards his Boy Scout Eagle rank, plays his guitar, and kicks the soccer ball with his friends. He just started his first real job. He's really cute too! No, he is not perfect; I am well aware of that, but he is a great kid!

Amidst all the struggles, I really think that all these years of homeschooling have been worth it, and I am willing to commit to continuing this gift to my children through high school. Thank you, Lord!

Peace, Hope

Enough Sleep?

Our summer schedule officially starts today. We're a little behind in forming the actual new routine, but one thing I do know is that my children are not going to regularly sleep in late or spend all day on computer games. I told my oldest three that they had to get up on their own when their 7:30 alarm goes off or there are extra chores to do. Surprisingly, they came up with the extra chores part and were very willing to continue getting up at a decent time. With this in mind, I decided to do a little research into sleep recommendations and come up with some reasonable bed times as well. Not that we haven't had bed times and rising times in the past, but I find transitions to be an opportunity to reassess things and re-institute good habits. So, find below the general sleep recommendations for people of all ages from the National Sleep Foundation.

INFANTS
(0 to 2 months): ................10-1/2 to 18 hours*
(2-12 months): ...........................14 to 15 hours*
TODDLERS/CHILDREN
(12-18 months): ........................13 to 15 hours*
(18 months-3 years): ...............12 to 14 hours*
(3-5 years): ..................................11 to 13 hours*
(5-12 years): ....................................9 to 11 hours
ADOLESCENTS
8-1/2 to 9-1/2 hours
ADULTS
7 to 9 hours

Peace, Hope

New Perspective on Laundry

When I start feeling down about various household tasks before me, I imagine having to do the same task in a developing country. What would my laundry situation be like if I lived in a hut in Asia? I imagine I would be the laughing stock of the neighborhood carting our 2-3 daily loads of laundry down to the river. I guess with the ease of merely pushing buttons to do the laundry, we gain LOTS of laundry.

I don't have to schlep the laundry of ten down to a river, just from the hamper to the washing machine, about three feet. I still complain. I have even been known to cry about it. We do have a lot of laundry, but crying about it is a bit dramatic, I know. I can just see God looking down at my spoiled little self and just shaking his head. At the same time, somewhere there is a courageous Laotian woman kneeling on the muddy shore rinsing out the family clothes. I will not complain. Thank you, God, for nice clothes to put on the healthy bodies of my beautiful children, and the simple means of keeping everyone looking clean and neat. Now, back to the laundry room.

Peace, Hope

First Aid Kit

Each spring I put some thought and planning toward preparing for all of our busy summer outdoor activities. During the warm weather months you will often find our family on the soccer fields on Saturdays, and when soccer is over we spend many weekend days at the river, park, beach, hiking, summer concerts, or wherever we can enjoy the great outdoors. I learned long ago that it makes life much simpler to be prepared for these outings in advance. I pack the car with water and snacks, like granola bars and nuts. I make sure we have some changes of clothes, wet wipes and diapers, maybe a backpack or stroller. Most importantly I restock our first aid kit each spring. I'd encourage all families to keep a well stocked and portable first aid kit. It makes life a lot easier to have everything in one easily accessible place for those times your child presents himself with gushing blood (happened here today) or an unexpected serious allergic reaction while out at a farm (happened to us last week).

I keep all of our first aid supplies in a medium sized plastic tackle box with a handle on top which I found at Walmart in the fishing isle. It works great. I keep it on top of the refrigerator in the kitchen and then throw it in the car for outings. Just thought I'd share one of the things on my own spring "to do" list. So, let's get those first aid kits ready to go, you never know when you'll need it.

Peace, Hope

Easy Homemade Pasta Sauce

I have mentioned before that I am an imprecise cook. Even so, I will try to share some of my favorite things to make that feed a crowd of kids. One thing is homemade tomato sauce. If you buy jarred sauce because you think it would be too hard to make it yourself, you're in for a surprise. It is so easy, and when you make it yourself you know exactly what is in it -- just healthy ingredients! It is also tastes a’ lot better and is cheaper.


Homemade Pasta Sauce

In a large stockpot, sauté 1-2 diced large onions and lots of minced garlic in a few Tablespoons olive oil on medium heat, stirring frequently, until onion is clear (the jarred, minced garlic makes it simple). As an optional step, you can add more vegetables your family likes -- chopped green pepper, grated carrots, zucchini, eggplant, sliced black olives -- use your imagination, just add harder veggies first and softer veggies last.

Add a #10 can of crushed tomatoes to the onion, garlic, veggie mix, stir and heat gently.

Brown and drain the grease from 1-2 lbs of ground beef (meat is optional, depending on what type of sauce you are going for), stir into tomato sauce.

Add salt and pepper and seasonings to taste. I sprinkle in Italian Seasoning mix from a bulk jar; it contains marjoram, thyme, rosemary, savory, sage, oregano, and basil. Let sauce simmer gently for a few minutes, then turn to LOW. It can be on the stove for a short while, or allowed to cook longer, becoming more flavorful, just stir occasionally.

Use this sauce in any of your favorite pasta creations, and freeze the rest.

Peace, Hope

Good-night List

Continuing with yesterday's post about creating good habits which help to organize the family, here is our good-night list. Both lists, the good-night and the good morning, are hung in the bathrooms. One in the girls' and one in the boys'. All I have to say is, "do your list!"

Good-Night

Examine your conscience, ask God for peace and rest

Plan for tomorrow

Pick up bedroom

Wash yourself

Brush teeth

Get dressed for bed

Put clothes away

Go Potty (reminder to the littles)

Good Morning List

Teaching children to develop good habits is one way to create an atmosphere of positive discipline in the family. A child with good habits and a sense of what is expected will display good behavior. One way I do this is to have strategically hung lists throughout the home. One such list is our "Good Morning" list. It tells the children exactly what they need to do before coming to the kitchen for breakfast before we start our school day. It goes like this:

Good Morning

Thank God for a new day and offer all your thoughts, words, and actions to Him

Make your bed

Put your pajamas away

Brush teeth

Wash face and brush hair

A Not-So-Heroic Moment

"Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment, getting up on the dot, at a set time, without granting a single minute to laziness. If with the help of God, you conquer yourself in the moment, you have accomplished a great deal for the rest of the day. It's so discouraging to find yourself beaten in the first skirmish." (Saint Escriva, The Way, 191)

I awoke this morning with dreaded thoughts of the day to come. So, what is sometimes referred to as the "heroic moment," the first opportunity we have as we awaken to turn our thoughts to God, offering our day to Him, and heroically, immediately, joyfully rising without hesitation, was completely fumbled by me. I put the pillow over my head, made some excuses as to why I could stay in bed a little longer, and fed my discouragement. The truth is, I don't like Mondays, and this Monday was going to be a challenge. I went away this weekend with my three youngest and my older son, leaving my husband with the four others. Besides the normal things we have on Mondays...CCD, soccer practice, music lessons and some school work to finish for the year; I also have to add tons of laundry, a messy checkbook, dinner to make, an important meeting for my husband tonight, preparation for my educational consultant meeting tomorrow morning, and organizing my older boys into some neighborhood yard work. ARGH, can't I just sleep a little longer? The house is quiet and I am T-I-R-E-D!

So, all this is to say is that I failed my first test of the day. I was grumpy too. I write this not to encourage you to do likewise, but to remind you that we who write blogs to share all of the things we do right also get a'lot wrong. The next time I feel like shutting the world down and going back to bed, I need to remember to offer it up, get up, and be a hero!

Peace, Hope

Serious NFP Use and the Seriously Big Family

I must admit that something in the wording of this post by Greg Popcak bothered me. I think it is the last line about the "Catholic proof-texters" who think they are "popier than the pope." This is in reference to those who have taken seriously the apparently faulty Humanae Vitae translation that states that NFP (Natural Family Planning) can only by used be couples for "grave" reasons. The translation is faulty, according the author of the link Dr. Popcak presented. In case this is new to you, Humanae Vitae is the Catholic Church document that articulated to the modern world the long time Catholic Church's teaching on life issues, in particular NFP, contraception and abortion.

In the link, the author, Angela Bonilla, basically argues, after extensive research and study, that the term "grave" should be downgraded to "serious," and she gives more emphasis to the idea of "responsible parenting." The basic teaching in Humanae Vitae is that couples can legitimately use NFP, and only NFP, to space births for "grave" or "serious" reasons, depending on your translation/interpretation.

Ms. Bonilla begins her paper in the Homiletic and Pastoral Review with the following: "A friend recently called with questions about childbirth, timidly confessing that she was pregnant with her fourth baby in six years while her youngest was eight months old. “It was unexpected,” she said quietly, “But I can’t tell my best friend that we were trying to avoid having another baby. She says the Church teaches that NFP can only be used when having another child would cause some kind of disaster in the family.”

My first comment is to Dr. Popcak. I have never met parents of a large Catholic family, and I know a few, that feel their call to parenting a large family is solely in response to a theological argument, or makes them "popier than the pope." My experience is that families are just prayerfully living out their married vocations while embracing their fertility and attempting to be good stewards. Sure, many larger families refer to the Humanae Vitae passage about only using NFP for "grave" or "serious" reasons, but the real motivation may be that couples just prayerfully feel led to remain open to life for much of their fertile years. And what's wrong with that? Raising a large family can bring an abundance of grace to a marriage, to the parents as individuals, to the children, and to the family as a whole. The challenges of large family living are not necessarily to be avoided simply because there are challenges. If a couple feels called to be open to life and God blesses them with children, then the challenges are to be embraced. I call it holiness boot camp.


Second, practically speaking, it doesn't seem to make much of a difference whether we refer to reasons for using NFP as grave or serious. Referring to the correct term is not the starting point. Prayer is the starting point. If a couple is prayerfully considering using NFP and feels led to, the Holy Spirit, through their conscience, will help determine for them what is legitimate, be the reason "grave" or "serious." I imagine the very people who are concerned about the licit use of NFP are the faithful people who do use prayer as their starting point, whether they have two or twelve children.

Third, I am troubled by some who suggest that NFP use is the de facto status quo of married life. Even the more liberal interpretation by Ms. Bonilla suggests that the use of NFP for serious reasons is legitimate, suggesting that openness to life is the status quo and that couples may use NFP. Further, NFP is not always so simple to use when spacing births while breastfeeding, and couples cannot be considered irresponsible when found expecting another one of God's little "surprises." It is a fact that some couples find themselves struggling to become pregnant at all, while others seem to conceive extremely easily. Fecundity does not equal irresponsibility or imprudence.

Fourth, I think couples, and those who counsel them, must be very careful when discerning what it means to be responsible and prudent and generous regarding the rearing of children. Materially, socially, spiritually, and intellectually, what does it mean to be responsible? Again, this will be something only a couple can decide prayerfully together. It may be that a couple, because of their apostolate, are called to use NFP for much of their marriage and will have only a small family or widely spaced children. However, we cannot look at the benchmark of the average American family and decide that we're just "not ready" for another baby yet. The truth is, the American culture encourages people to be selfish, materialistic, and way too attached to comforts. If anything, these "attachments" are where the laser beam should be focused, not on faithful families who happen to have many children and are learning to live a less comfortable existence.

Last, the illustration of what is assumed to be the outcome of poor judgement and a lack of NFP use that begins Ms. Bonilla's argument is false. Most couples are timid about announcing an addition to their larger than average family as they are often faced with some degree of ridicule or prejudice, so no wonder the woman who came to her was "timid." Also, the lady in the illustration stated that her pregnancy was "unexpected" and they were "trying to avoid having another baby." This demonstrates the fact that NFP does not always work easily or the same while breastfeeding, as noted above (she has an 8 month old, so I'm assuming she was breastfeeding). Then, the fact that the lady did not want to tell her judgemental friend that she was using NFP, obviously did not get in the way of the couple actually using it, so this negates the idea of there being some kind of peer pressure to have a big family as an actual influence. Most importantly, though, it doesn't make sense to argue against another's incorrect interpretation of Humanae Vitae by forming an argument against the original translation. Nowhere does the "flawed" Pauline translation suggest that NFP is only legitimately used "when having another child would cause some kind of disaster in the family." If this is the argument Ms. Bonilla is contesting, then show the flaws in the argument, but please don't illustrate with a family that God may be calling to add to their numbers, challenges and burdens and all.

Peace, Hope

Crock Pot French Toast

Here's another great breakfast recipe that fulfills my morning meal requirements: easy, and the children can serve themselves. It's also filling and can be made with good-for-you whole grain bread. I have a recipe for crock pot oatmeal that I posted before here.

Grease, butter or use cooking spray on the inside of your standard sized crock pot.
Break up a loaf of bread and put into the crock pot.
Beat a dozen eggs with four cups of milk, 2 tsp vanilla, dash of salt, 2 tsp cinnamon and 1/4 cup of brown sugar.
Pour mixture over the bread so that it covers completely, add more egg and milk if necessary.
Cook on LOW 8 to 10 hours and serve topped with butter and maple syrup.

Peace, Hope

Summer Conferences

Immaculate Heart of Mary Home School Conference

Catholic Family Expo Conference

If you are looking for some Catholic family inspiration and encouragement in your homeschooling efforts, check out the conferences above. The IHM conference is specifically for homeschoolers, but certainly other interested folks would be welcome, and it is FREE! The Catholic Family Expo has conferences in different regions and it is for Catholic families of all schooling persuasions. I have attended both conferences in the past and highly recommend them.

Peace, Hope

The Daily Chalkboard

A crucial part of organizing this busy family is my chalkboard, hung prominently in the kitchen. Each day calls family members to varying activities; we have choir, book club, dance, soccer (5 teams), piano, guitar, alter serving, Boy Scouts, volunteer work, babysitting, lawn mowing jobs, CCD and more! Each evening I write the next days activities on the board with their times. At the top of the chalkboard I write the date. I also may include any other special things about the day: a birthday or anniversary, or the Feast Day or Saint's Day. It is also fun to add some cute relevant pictures and write with colored chalk. After having done this for years, the children have internalized what happens when, and have learned to check the board for what to be prepared for the next day. Another bonus is that having the commitments of the day posted so obviously eliminates my having to nag and remind ( somewhat ; ) .

Peace, Hope

To Be A Saint

I have a little daughter who is presenting herself as quite a challenge lately. I suspect she will continue to be a challenge as her basic mode of being is to challenge me! A friend who has taught pre-school for thirty years described my daughter as the most independent child she has ever met! Needless to say, sometimes said child and I have "moments." I have developed a mantra that helps get through these trying times with her, and with any of my challenge presenting children. It goes, "I want her to be a saint, I want her to be a saint, I want her to be a saint," said as many times in succession as necessary. First of all, this mantra is a good replacement for other, sometimes anger generated thoughts and words that are decidedly less "holy." It also allows me to see beyond the present moment. Repeating the phrase, I want her to be a saint, allows me to clearly see my outstanding goal in all of the muck in front of me.

The Gospel of Matthew states, "For what will it profit a man, if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life?" What will it profit my daughter for me to stubbornly insist on winning our present battle, to angrily discipline, or to act impatiently? I may "win" the battle, but loose her heart. My goal is her heart, her soul, lead to Jesus, brought to sainthood, for eternal joy in heaven. I want her to be a saint; I want my every word and every touch to help lead my children to sainthood, not to be a hindrance. I want to be a saint, I want to be as Christ to my children. God, help me!

Peace, Hope

Advantages of a Large Family

When parents open their hearts to welcome the children God wishes to send them, they are often rewarded with many children. God lovingly answers their generous faith by entrusting new souls to their care, new lives to nurture and lead back to him. God smiles on open-hearted, adventurous parents and showers them with his never-failing help. He uses their busy, happy family life to strengthen each child in faith and virtue. Through the parents' sacrifices, he makes of each family a cadre of valiant, strong, self-confident men and women who will carry the Faith forward in history and influence those around them whose lives will intertwine with their own. If you have been blessed with many children, you should thank God for this great honor and be confident of his never-failing help. For your own peace of mind, too, you should pause now and then to think how your family life--frantic and challenging as it often is--works to strengthen the character and faith of your children, and thereby the Church of the next generation. A large family is inherently formative; it's an ongoing apprenticeship in right living and leadership. It works to turn out young people who surpass their contemporaries, succeed in life, and emerge as leaders. So then, consider how your family life benefits each your children. How are your children strengthened to be better men and women through the give-and-take of growing up with several brothers and sisters?

Unlike most children today, they are genuinely needed at home. Through their chores and their handling of responsibilities around the house, they contribute to the family's welfare. That is, every day they practice putting their powers up against problems for the service of others. Consequently they grow in self-knowledge (their strengths and limitations) and realistic self-confidence. They grow to be more mature more quickly.

Related to this, they understand the real meaning of responsibility, that is, if we don't do our duty, someone else will suffer. So their moral development--moving from "self" to "others"--takes root more deeply. They grow to be givers, not takers.

Surrounded by siblings' conversation and playful interaction, they enjoy constant intellectual stimulation. This strengthens and sharpens their judgment.

They're surrounded by laughter. By and large, even with its ups and downs, the home of a large family is a happy place, a place of healthy fun. Good cheer, it seems, is livelier, more heartfelt, when shared with a crowd. All their lives, children from a large family remember the fun they had together, the sheer delight of being alive surrounded by love.

Even their normal squabbles and spats, when refereed by parents, teach them lessons of fairness, sharing, splitting differences, letting others off the hook, forgiving and forgetting. This fortifies their moral standards, their lifelong conscience. (Friction, though irksome and tedious at times, has its uses; it rounds off rough edges, forms a smooth, resilient surface.)

Since their parents take care of their needs but cannot satisfy their whims (through lack of money and time), children learn the difference between wants and needs. They learn to wait for what they want, or to work and earn it themselves. Thus they are spared the corruptive influence of instant gratification. They internalize the virtues of patience and honorable ambition. They grow to become self-reliant self-starters.

Through interactions with their siblings, children more deeply understand gender differences. From their sisters, boys understand and appreciate femininity; from their brothers, girls understand and appreciate what's common among males. All the children are thus better prepared for marriage.

One of the mysteries of a large family is the startling differences siblings display in temperaments and talents and interests. By dealing with these differences among their siblings, children learn to get along with anyone. Having to share a bedroom and bathroom and space at the table prepares the children superbly for marriage and for life.

Older children play with the youngest ones, and thus form a bond of affection with them. Younger children receive love and learning from several older people, not just their parents. So older children are pulled out of their egos, and younger ones are surrounded by love.

Each child journeys through life enjoying the support of his grown-up brothers and sisters. No matter what befalls them in life, your children will never be alone. Indeed, the finest gift parents can give their children, the gift lasting a lifetime, is their brothers and sisters.

Article by educational consultant, James B. Stenson, of the website ParentLeadership.com

Men in Slings

Okay, I promise this will not become some sort of "Brangelina" celebrity blog site. This one is actually for the benefit of my husband who 1. does exist, but complained that he had never been mentioned in my writing so was merely a "presumed presence" in my life! -- "hi, honey!"; 2) to prove to my husband that I did see a tabloid picture (long grocery store line) of Brad Pitt carrying a baby in a sling. My dear husband, father of eight, would rather his arm turn blue and go numb than wear a sling. It's not like it's flowered or paisley either -- denim. Perhaps, I'll get him a black sling, which apparently is the fashion for men. Oh, and since we're on the topic of manly man cool movie star sling-wearing dads, here's another below.

Peace, Hope

Gavin Rossdale

British rocker/sling wearer

The Thing vs. My Thing

As soon as you truly abandon yourself in the Lord, you will know how to be content with whatever happens. You will not lose your peace if your undertakings do not turn out the way you hoped, even if you have put everything into them, and used all the means necessary. For they will have turned out the way God wants them to. Saint Escriva', Furrow, 860

When I first read the above passage I knew it had been written for me. I need to write it out poster sized and hang it on my kitchen wall! I am a recovering control freak, and despite all my best laid plans, schedules and ideas, and despite the fact that I KNOW how each day should go, somehow.......... Well, I couldn't understand it! How come my carefully, prayerfully planned days are filled with a) some kid being a crank and not cooperating (there's always someone!); b) some kind of crises; or c) some sort of happy, but necessary distraction? Why does this seem to happen, daily even? How am I going to get anything done? Especially when even the most mundane sorts of tasks cry for my attention!?

It has taken me a while, but I am working on adjusting my expectations and my attitude. My schedule and my plans are one thing, a good and necessary part of my life, but it's not the thing, it's only my thing.

The thing is what is in front of me right now. See, my thing might be a plan to get my phone calls made during a certain time of the day or to get the baby down for a nap, but the thing may be to change a really bad diaper or to comfort a neighbor who shows up at the door. My thing may be to work on the laundry because it desperately needs attention, but the thing may be to spend a little extra time with my six year old who's feeling a little picked on and left out. My thing may be to get in a little time on the computer or make a phone call, but the thing may be to give my husband some attention and conversation. I am working on it, working on embracing the thing, the thing that God has given me to attend to at any given time, and choosing to do His work, my distraction, with joy.

Peace, Hope

Child Development

One of the things I learned in college that I draw from occasionally, I discovered in a child psychology class. It is Erik Erikson's theory of development. Basically, the theory suggests that all humans, from infancy to old age, go through a sequence of psychological developmental phases that present as a "crisis" of some sort. These crises must be overcome in order to become a successful and stable person.

I certainly do not buy into any psychological theory with full belief, but I think this one merits some consideration. I like to remember that my babies will develop trust in God and the goodness of life by learning to trust in me, and that I must mother them with this in mind. My little toddlers should not be shamed, but encouraged to do things independently as they seem driven to do (think of your average two year old!). My young children should be encouraged in their attempts to be helpful, not criticized for their ineptness. My older children should be given meaningful work that gives them confidence in their abilities, not allowed to pass their time with passivity. My growing teens should be lead to positive relationships and role models and given the meaning behind the beliefs we hold as a family. I don't have any young adults, yet, but this theory suggests that this is the period when intimate relationships are formed, so as parents we are responsible for helping lead them through this delicate and profound period.

Just a little food for thought......How are your children moving through these developmental phases?

Peace, Hope

The Work of God

My six year old asked me last night what I liked best about being a Mom. Hmm, that gave me some pause. I told him that I liked it that my job was so important. He asked why, and I told him because part of my job was to help lead our family to heaven.

At times when I am cleaning up the proverbial "spilled milk" AGAIN, it doesn't feel like my job has such supernatural consequences. However, Saint Escriva' says that love leads us to insert God into everything, which otherwise would be insipid without him. A pious person whose piety is not superficial strives to fulfil his duty: sincere devotion leads to work, to the willing fulfilment of the duties of each day - even when this is hard; there is an intimate union between this interior supernatural reality and the external manifestation of human activity.

So, we ask ourselves, what is the will of God for my life? If you have children the answer is simple. We do the work that God has placed before us each moment, each day. Think about it, as we mothers feed and clean up the kitchen, lovingly planning healthy meals and with humility, scrubbing the pots and pans and sweeping up the floor; as we launder the same clothes over and over; as we comfort and care for fevers, skinned knees and bumped heads; as we confront little fibs and disobedience; as we teach the phonograms to our 5 year old and geometric theorems to our 13 year old; as we patiently forgive our children and husbands for perceived injuries and wrongs; as we teach our children to pray; we ARE doing the will of God. Even more, we are fulfilling our Christian mandate to perform the spiritual and corporal acts of mercy. This work before us will bring us and our children to holiness and to heaven, as long as we do these tasks mindful of the supernatural reality we believe in as Christians. We must see our work as our call to holiness, and remain open to allowing God to impose Himself upon each act and every word of our day.

Peace, Hope