Be All You Can Be

Here is what my husband's day looks like. He get up at 5:30 and leaves the house to catch the 7:00 am train. He commutes to work a total of four hours a day, four days a week. During his train commute he works on his lap top computer. He has a high pressure job, and all day long I know he works very hard. One day a week he is able to forgo his commute and work in his home office, but even these days he barely has time for lunch. He likes his work and enjoys his vocation, but he definitely has a challenging life. I know many others live challenging, productive lives as well. Many men and women have demanding careers that require much skill and responsibility.

I think about this sometimes when I read various parenting magazines in waiting rooms of doctors' offices or while getting the kids' haircuts. It always amazes me how the articles describe the work of a mother as almost unbearably demanding or suggest it is the most difficult of jobs. The articles sometimes suggest that putting dinner on the table, getting the laundry done, or even getting showered and dressed in anything beyond sweats is almost beyond reach of accomplishing with any regularity.

Now I certainly have had some bad days and even weeks when life seemed overwhelming, times when getting the basics done was a real struggle. Of course, we all have, it is part of learning and growing, and just managing the challenges of life. However, when I read the magazines it is no wonder that the employed women and men of the world, who are not home raising a family or keeping a home wonder what we do all day.

The popular notion is that our husbands come home to a messy house, no dinner, and their wives wearing sweats, which begs the question, just what do we do all day anyway? I am sorry to say that even some of my favorite parenting resources, especially regarding attachment parenting and breastfeeding, fall into this mindset as well.

Although we will never escape having "one of those days" now and then, there really is no excuse for not living out our vocations admirably. Being up and dressed and ready for work is not a unique idea, and there is no reason at home mothers are exempt from this task. Having some degree of organization to our home and to our day should be a minimum expectation we have for ourselves. Keeping up with the laundry and preparing dinner for our families should naturally fall to the parent at home, and distractions like attending play groups, cruising the internet, or attending field trips may be keeping us from these important tasks, that when left undone, leave us feeling discouraged and unprepared.

Our vocations, as Catholic mothers, are noble and worth giving our best too. We need to see it as real work and rise to meet the challenges of each day. We need to prioritize and do the first things first, and learn how to better manage our obligations as any professional in the workplace does. God calls us to give our best to every task, every day, no matter where we do our work.

Peace, Hope

How to Clean the Kitchen

I have mentioned before all the lists I have for the children that are hung strategically through the house. I decorate them with a little clip art and laminate them, so they do look decent. The lists serve as reminders to the children for what or how they are to do things. Below is the list hung in my kitchen.

How to Clean the Kitchen

Before Meals:

Help prepare meals as necessary

Empty dishwasher if needed

Set table with plates, napkins, utensils, and glasses

Fill glasses with water

Set out vitamins at breakfast

After Meals:

Clear table

Rinse dishes

Load dishwasher

Put food away, wipe off jars

Wash and dry items that need hand washing

Clean off highchair

Wipe table, chairs, counters and stove

Wipe out microwave

Rinse out sponges and dishcloths

Hang dishcloths and towels

Rinse out sink and run disposal

Start dishwasher if needed

Sweep floor

Additional jobs in evening: trash needs taken out and dishcloths taken to laundry.

Peace, Hope

My Lists

I have mentioned before that I have created lists hung through the house that detail for the children exactly what and how they are to do certain things. One I have posted before is the good morning list and another is the good night list. See below the good-bye list and the welcome home list which outline how to manage a family's comings and goings.

Peace, Hope

Welcome Home List

Pray for peace in your heart

Take shoes off and put them away

Hang up jacket

Place any papers or letters in kitchen in-box

Put away other items: backpack, books, etc.

Wash hands

Good-Bye List

Collect my things for outing

Any books or papers, clothing or equipment needed? Anything to return to

somewhere or someone? Backpack, cell phone?

Have a snack and drink

Go the the bathroom

Wash hands and face

Brush hair

Socks and shoes on

Jacket, if needed

Tell others where I am going, when I will be home, and get directions

Pray for blessing in all I do and spread the love of God

The Mantra of a Home Worker

I took this quiz some time ago and discovered that I have a full blow addiction problem as defined by Workaholics Anonymous. Actually, it would be difficult to be a competent mother at all, let alone a mother of many, and not answer "yes" to many of the questions on the quiz. The truth is that mothering a houseful is a lot of work -- it is a lot of housework, organizing, meals and laundry, discipline, diapers and teaching. Even when you do get to sit down, there is someone there who must talk or must sit right on your lap. Nights don't necessarily bring much relief either, as the little nighttime visitors start trickling in sometime after midnight.

The question is then, how do we balance all this work and all the needs of the little people around us without getting discrouraged and burned out? One thing I have done is to create priorities. For me, there are a few key tasks that definitly need attention each day. These tasks form the backbone for my daily to do list. Attending to these priority tasks helps me to feel some success at the end of the day, even when it feels like I am not accomplishing much else. Mentally recalling my priorities has become a mantra, for as I think over and over, "what's next?" through the day, I just mentally consider what I have to do with my laundry, dinner, school, and desk work; laundry, dinner, school, desk; laundry, dinner, school, desk -- all day long.

1. LAUNDRY - I have learned by now that the laundry is hardly ever totally done. That would de a major accomplishment. However, I feel free knowing that even if the laundry is never done, I can keep up with it by doing some each day. With this in mind, I don't have the burden of doing the impossible task of finishing it all each day, but am empowered to keep up with some of it.

2. DINNER - Breakfast and lunch just seem to happen easily, and the kids are able to do most of the clean up of these meals. Dinner, though, has been a burden for me. By making it an item on my list of daily priorities, it gets the attention it deserves and I remember to think about it early in the day when I am making my plans. If I know what I am making for dinner before noon, and even pull a few things out, I feel so much better about this daily task. When I have a nice dinner on the table at the end of the day, I feel so much more successful about what I accomplished in the hours before. My kids and husband appreciate it to.

3. SCHOOL - I should have put school first, but having this task on my everyday to-do list is a reminder to me that a priority is to keep the kids on task, to give structure to their day, to be available to look over work and answer questions, and to give my pre-schoolers some one-on-one teaching time. When I commit myself to giving each of my children some focused attention with school work, I feel much more encouraged about my accomplishments.

4. DESK WORK - The requirements of this task vary more than the others from day to day, but it is an important area to give attention to in order to keep everyone and every task organized. Each morning I check over my e-mails, check my calendar, determine what errands I need to do and when, add to my shopping lists, check who I need to make calls to, look over our bank accounts, and make plans for when to pay the bills. Taking some uninterrupted time each morning for some planning enables me to write a list of secondary priorities. Being organized in this way enables me know exactly what I can get accomplished when I have a moment here and there through the day. This is a big stress reliever, as I don't have to worry about what I am not getting done or what I am forgetting because I have already done the thinking ahead of time.

This little system is so helpful and flexible. There are those days where I may make a nicer dinner and give less attention to the laundry, or I may have a laundry marathon and plan for a simple dinner. This works because my priorities are determined ahead of time and as the craziness of the day takes over I can hang on to my established daily routines and my thoughtfully written to-do list to keep me sane and successful.

Laundry, Dinner, School, Desk

Peace, Hope

Routinize Your Schedule

I have tried using strict schedules to manage my days, schedules like the ones suggested in Mothers Rule of Life or Managers of Their Homes. I think formulating a well thought out schedule can be very helpful, but around here, with three kids four and under and big kids with lots of activities and outside work, strict scheduling can be frustrating. What I have found workable is to have a routine where some things are scheduled, meals perhaps, or outside the house commitments, or wake times, or bedtimes, but most things are routinized. By routinized I mean if we are out late the night before, perhaps the kids can sleep a little longer, but the tasks for morning and breakfast remain the same. Dinner and bedtimes can be shifted as needed too, but the routines and tasks that belong to each remain. This way our days follow a predictable sequence of events, but if the demands of life necessitate us shifting some things around, it still works without everything falling apart.

So, roughly, our days look like this:

Breakfast and morning tasks

School time

Lunch and noon tasks

Quiet time/reading time/NAPS

Snack and afternoon tasks

Activities/free time

Dinner and evening tasks

Bed time/reading

I assign particular tasks for each child, and it seems to work to have chores at the same time as meals, some before, like picking up the clutter, some after, like dishes or laundry. This seems to work for us as we can get a lot done, but aren't tied to getting them all done at an exact time, as each day is different.

Peace, Hope

Prayer and Planners

The school year has barely ended and already I have to start planning for next year. My intention is to get all my school planning and book organizing done within the next couple of weeks, then I'll have the summer to relax, without the big black cloud of school planning hanging over my head. I put in an order today for some of my favorite resources and thought I would share.

First is the Children's Daily Prayer book from Liturgical Training Publications. I have used it for a many years, and it is a simple way to bring daily prayer with your children into your routine.

My second purchase is a daily planner for me from Family-Centered Press. It is specifically Catholic and includes a lot of Catholic content. Different sizes are available and it can be purchased spiral bound or whole-punched. There is also the option of having a menu planner and lesson planner included. I like having a calendar that spans the school year, as I don't like a calendar that starts with January, and splits my school year up.

I also really like having student planners for each of my children. These planners from Pflaum, I have used these for a couple of years now, and they have made a big difference in our schooling. Each of my students has their own planner which I write their lessons in a week or two in advance. The children are then responsible for getting their work done fairly independently, as it is all laid out for them. It is also a good place to leave little notes and other reminders. These planners are Catholic as well, and include information on Saint's days, the liturgical year and Scripture.

Peace, Hope

Ducks in a Row

I hear all the time from people that I am so brave to take my children out in public. I do take them out with me often to do my usual errands and we go on family outings and to dinner a lot. They are not always perfectly behaved in public, but they really are pretty good. One thing that has helped is to practice the behavior that we expect at home and to be very clear, before we even get out of the car, with our descriptions of how the children should behave. We do this every time we go somewhere. I think it is important for the kids to hear where they are going and why, even if it seems obvious, and to explain exactly what they can expect and how you expect them to behave. Then when misbehavior starts, all it takes is a look, a little reminder, or a gentle pull towards you.

One little thing that helps is to pair buddies together, like they do in preschool, where two kids walk holding hands. I often have each of my three big kids in charge of each of my three littlest kids, then the two in the middle hold hands and walk near me. Also, we do the "ducks in a row" where everyone has their place in line, usually the younger ones in the front with me, then the children walk in order behind. It is very cute, and keeps us from taking up a whole aisle in the store or in a crowd. We even practice the "ducks in a row" at home marching around through the house.

When you are carting eight children around and you have to keep your eye on all of them, you can't have them all going different directions -- I only have two eyes! We often tell the children it is their job to stay with us and to keep their eyes on Mom and Dad.

It all comes down to practice, talk and training, as with anything else. Kids usually don't just know what to do, they have to be taught. Good luck on your next outing!

Peace, Hope

First Aid Kit

Each spring I put some thought and planning toward preparing for all of our busy summer outdoor activities. During the warm weather months you will often find our family on the soccer fields on Saturdays, and when soccer is over we spend many weekend days at the river, park, beach, hiking, summer concerts, or wherever we can enjoy the great outdoors. I learned long ago that it makes life much simpler to be prepared for these outings in advance. I pack the car with water and snacks, like granola bars and nuts. I make sure we have some changes of clothes, wet wipes and diapers, maybe a backpack or stroller. Most importantly I restock our first aid kit each spring. I'd encourage all families to keep a well stocked and portable first aid kit. It makes life a lot easier to have everything in one easily accessible place for those times your child presents himself with gushing blood (happened here today) or an unexpected serious allergic reaction while out at a farm (happened to us last week).

I keep all of our first aid supplies in a medium sized plastic tackle box with a handle on top which I found at Walmart in the fishing isle. It works great. I keep it on top of the refrigerator in the kitchen and then throw it in the car for outings. Just thought I'd share one of the things on my own spring "to do" list. So, let's get those first aid kits ready to go, you never know when you'll need it.

Peace, Hope

Good-night List

Continuing with yesterday's post about creating good habits which help to organize the family, here is our good-night list. Both lists, the good-night and the good morning, are hung in the bathrooms. One in the girls' and one in the boys'. All I have to say is, "do your list!"

Good-Night

Examine your conscience, ask God for peace and rest

Plan for tomorrow

Pick up bedroom

Wash yourself

Brush teeth

Get dressed for bed

Put clothes away

Go Potty (reminder to the littles)

Good Morning List

Teaching children to develop good habits is one way to create an atmosphere of positive discipline in the family. A child with good habits and a sense of what is expected will display good behavior. One way I do this is to have strategically hung lists throughout the home. One such list is our "Good Morning" list. It tells the children exactly what they need to do before coming to the kitchen for breakfast before we start our school day. It goes like this:

Good Morning

Thank God for a new day and offer all your thoughts, words, and actions to Him

Make your bed

Put your pajamas away

Brush teeth

Wash face and brush hair

The Daily Chalkboard

A crucial part of organizing this busy family is my chalkboard, hung prominently in the kitchen. Each day calls family members to varying activities; we have choir, book club, dance, soccer (5 teams), piano, guitar, alter serving, Boy Scouts, volunteer work, babysitting, lawn mowing jobs, CCD and more! Each evening I write the next days activities on the board with their times. At the top of the chalkboard I write the date. I also may include any other special things about the day: a birthday or anniversary, or the Feast Day or Saint's Day. It is also fun to add some cute relevant pictures and write with colored chalk. After having done this for years, the children have internalized what happens when, and have learned to check the board for what to be prepared for the next day. Another bonus is that having the commitments of the day posted so obviously eliminates my having to nag and remind ( somewhat ; ) .

Peace, Hope