Putting It In Perspective, part II

Anonymous said...
Please remember that there are many, many families right here in the states who do not have access to healthcare. families who would be bankrupt and lose their homes if they had to pay for the birth of another child.not everyone in our country is "spoiled."

I received the above response to Putting It In Perspective and thought I'd comment on it. In no way was my post meant to suggest that those who are struggling financially or otherwise in this country are nonetheless spoiled by virtue of being American. I know families truly do have hardships of all kinds and that require compassion and assistance.

However, my original intent was to highlight the hardship of those who do not even have the remotest expectation of acquiring things we see as necessary in our country. For instance, health care, as the commenter made reference to, is not an option for some, as there are no doctors, midwives, or medicines even available in their communities. So, in the American mindset, the thinking may go, "we can't have another baby because the doctor bill would crush us." Those in other places and times would not have this sort of thinking at all, as there is no doctor available in the first place. This is what I mean by putting it in perspective. Think tee-pee versus humblest of American homes -- dirt floor, no heating or cooling, extremely limited food and clothing options, health care that consists of gathered herbal remedies, etc. Now picture an impoverished American lifestyle, if all else is equal, the family would have a much higher standard of living than most of humanity could even imagine. The Bible says that the Abraham of the Old Testament was wealthy, yet he was nomadic and lived in a tent. Jesus was raised in a relative hut and born in a stable -- no hospital to pay for there.

God help us to open all of our eyes to this fact. We are called to be joyful and generous no matter what our circumstances. Sometimes it helps to do this if we look past the modern day lifestyle expectations we have developed.

Peace, Hope

Putting it in Perspective

On the HMS website, Dr. Greg Popcak, continued the debate about family size with the following quote from Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger.

"In today's world, where the number of children cannot be very high given living
conditions and other factors, it's very easy to understand." (Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger in Salt of the Earth: The Church at the End of the Millennium. An Interview with Peter Seewald. Ignatius Press, p.200)

Dr. Popcak says he does not agree with this quote, and nor do I. However, I really wonder what this future pope of ours meant by this quote, as there is no context provided and I do not have the book to reference. Surely Cardinal Ratzinger was not referring to the living conditions in the Western World. How could it be that in today's world, it is not easy to raise a large family given our living conditions. Surely he is not addressing the average American's access to health care, education, clean water, safe streets, sufficient clothing and housing. Even what is considered to be living in poverty in America, much of the current world, and most of the historical world, would be grateful for.

I cannot imagine that I have it so tough, even with all these kids, when I have a comfortable climate controlled home, can wash the families clothes and dishes with the touch of a few buttons, have access to healthy, convenient food, have top doctors a phone call away, plenty of books to learn from, and clean water that pours in whenever I want it with the flip of a faucet. I mean, really, we Americans are so spoiled if we entertain the idea for a second that it is too tough to raise a large family. In most cases, it is considered too tough because we like to keep ourselves comfortable. It is our devotion to the easy life, that gets in the way, not our actual living conditions.

Even today, there are happy families giving glory to God who eat cornmeal for every meal, who carry water from wells a good distance away, who are barely literate and have little access to even the most basic health care, who wash their clothes in rivers and cook over fire pits. I am certainly not advocating that this is God's ideal lifestyle for humans, just putting our own American lifestyle and expectations in perspective.

When considering if we can provide for one more soul in our family, perhaps we should look beyond what the neighbors have and give to their children, and consider all the blessing we really do have to share.

Peace, Hope

Brothers and Sisters

I came across this post today from Danielle Bean's blog. It is so positive, and tells a story of the beauty of siblings and big families. I really agree with Danielle's perspective on this, and must say that nothing warms my heart more then when my eight children are loving each other the way only a brother or sister can.

Peace, Hope

Be All You Can Be

Here is what my husband's day looks like. He get up at 5:30 and leaves the house to catch the 7:00 am train. He commutes to work a total of four hours a day, four days a week. During his train commute he works on his lap top computer. He has a high pressure job, and all day long I know he works very hard. One day a week he is able to forgo his commute and work in his home office, but even these days he barely has time for lunch. He likes his work and enjoys his vocation, but he definitely has a challenging life. I know many others live challenging, productive lives as well. Many men and women have demanding careers that require much skill and responsibility.

I think about this sometimes when I read various parenting magazines in waiting rooms of doctors' offices or while getting the kids' haircuts. It always amazes me how the articles describe the work of a mother as almost unbearably demanding or suggest it is the most difficult of jobs. The articles sometimes suggest that putting dinner on the table, getting the laundry done, or even getting showered and dressed in anything beyond sweats is almost beyond reach of accomplishing with any regularity.

Now I certainly have had some bad days and even weeks when life seemed overwhelming, times when getting the basics done was a real struggle. Of course, we all have, it is part of learning and growing, and just managing the challenges of life. However, when I read the magazines it is no wonder that the employed women and men of the world, who are not home raising a family or keeping a home wonder what we do all day.

The popular notion is that our husbands come home to a messy house, no dinner, and their wives wearing sweats, which begs the question, just what do we do all day anyway? I am sorry to say that even some of my favorite parenting resources, especially regarding attachment parenting and breastfeeding, fall into this mindset as well.

Although we will never escape having "one of those days" now and then, there really is no excuse for not living out our vocations admirably. Being up and dressed and ready for work is not a unique idea, and there is no reason at home mothers are exempt from this task. Having some degree of organization to our home and to our day should be a minimum expectation we have for ourselves. Keeping up with the laundry and preparing dinner for our families should naturally fall to the parent at home, and distractions like attending play groups, cruising the internet, or attending field trips may be keeping us from these important tasks, that when left undone, leave us feeling discouraged and unprepared.

Our vocations, as Catholic mothers, are noble and worth giving our best too. We need to see it as real work and rise to meet the challenges of each day. We need to prioritize and do the first things first, and learn how to better manage our obligations as any professional in the workplace does. God calls us to give our best to every task, every day, no matter where we do our work.

Peace, Hope

Contraception Works!

One thing that contraception has done very well is to separate the connection of the marriage act from procreation, not a big surprise, as that is what it is intended to do. However, I do not just mean that sex and babies are separated in the physical sense, as in if you use "protection" you can avoid pregnancy. I am suggesting this separation has affected our society's very understanding of the purpose of marriage, sex and babies.

A recent poll of married couples suggests that children are perceived as irrelevant to finding happiness in marriage. It is now completely common, accepted, and expected for people who are not married to have babies and for people who are married to choose to avoid having babies. Further, our separation of marriage, sex and babies has resulted in "valid" marriages of same sexed persons, and conceptions without sex (in vitro fertilization, donor eggs, surrogate mothers, and cloning). Perhaps you agree with these cultural shifts, perhaps you do not, but one thing follows another, and the point is that contraception works. We have effectively separated what was meant to be intrinsically joined.

"What God has joined, let no man separate," we hear in the traditional wedding as man and woman are joined as husband and wife. God joins a man and a woman in marriage, with the resultant sex and babies. This is God's design, but in our limited human thinking, we have separated all of the above so that today our cultural understandings of marriage, family, husband, wife, mother and father are confused.

This is not about married couples who do not have children or have smaller families, due to their God given vocations, or because of infertility. This is about the confused, shocked, and dismayed reactions that confront couples in loving marriages when they announce that *surprise* they are having a baby!

For some reason, even faithful Catholics seem to think that married couples who are having babies are simply making a lifestyle choice. The idea is that couples who have been blessed with many children are doing it because...they always wanted a big family...they love kids...they are really organized and hard working...they are trying to "prove" something...they are trying to keep up with the big family down the block...et cetera. There is always some planned reason that must be attached to the excessive procreation in some families, reasons that ignore the simple connection between marriage, sex and babies.

Those who choose to simply follow God's plan for marriage, as the Church so beautifully describes, may find that the babies just come. It really is as simple as that, no further explanation needed.

Peace, Hope

Raising Good Citizens

In honor of Independence Day I thought I would share some ideas for creating a spirit of good citizenship in our children. Our faith calls us to active participation in our communities; the Bishops explain civic involvement and participation in the political process as a moral obligation. If parents take on the responsibility of active citizenship, then we can transmit this way of living to our children.

VOTING Voting is a responsibility of all of us living in our free country. The opportunity to vote for our representatives in government is a foundation of our democracy. I do not just mean voting in the presidential elections every four years, I'm talking about voting every time the polls are open. We should be voting in every primary election, each community referendum, state-wide elections, county elections, in city and school board elections. We are to make educated votes too. This requires us to research and learn and talk to others and pray. This is active, responsible citizenship, and it is not always simple or easy. However, it is a duty, even a Catholic duty. Your kids will get involved and interested as you do. They will learn much from hearing the give and take and debate regarding candidates and issues, and they will see your commitment as you take them to the polls.

EDUCATION It is every citizens' responsibility to be educated regarding local and national and international issues. No, we don't have to know every detail, but we must have a working knowledge of what is going on in our local communities and the world. Most of us have some awareness of what goes on at a national level, but do you know on a day to day basis what decisions your local school board is making? Are you aware of your city and county governments' activities? How about at the state level, do you keep yourself informed? It is important also, to not just find information sources that are within your comfort zone, or that just bolster your already formed opinions. How often to you look at news through the lens of "the other side." You will learn a lot if you make this a habit. One key to being truly informed is to eschew television news sources as a primary means of information, including network news, and shows like MS NBC and FOX news --- really, it is mostly sensationalist trash with a few newsworthy items thrown in to make you feel good. Be truly informed --- READ. A good place for kids to learn about current events is through God's World Publications. They put out a weekly news magazine for kids of all ages, from pre-school through high-school. Sometimes, their news weekly for adults is a bit partisan and protestant for me, but it's nice to read something outside the mainstream.

COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT Get yourself and your kids involved in the local community. Specifically, teach your children Catholic social doctrine, post the corporal works of mercy on the fridge, learn where the local soup kitchen, food pantry, and clothing ministries are located, and volunteer. Our children have been involved in varying capacities in these local programs. We spent one year doing monthly food collection in our neighborhood. The kids would leave a note that we were collecting food for the food pantry, and ask for a donation to be left on their doorstep a few days later. We collected hundreds of pounds of food this way. The kids did most of the work and they really enjoyed it. Now they are working for another ministry that aids the home bound.

The idea is to resist cynicism, work against apathy, and realize that we are all responsible to make our communities, our nation, and our world a better place, and there are tangible ways for us and our children to be involved.

Peace, Hope

Summer Sunshine and Sunscreens

I have always been a bit suspect of the practice of rubbing chemicals all over my children's bodies each time they exit the house to spend time in the summer sunshine. Although I don't hesitate to use sunscreen when we are in the sun full on for long periods of time, like at the beach; I generally opt for less hazardous means to protect the children. Thankfully, even though I have a bunch of blondies, most of my children have complexions that are fairly sun tolerant, and we have a shady backyard. Another tactic is to avoid sun exposure during the heat of the day. If we go to the pool or beach at all, we try to go in the morning or evening, and we encourage the kids to wear t-shirts when out of the water. Hats are a must too, especially on the baldy babies.

When you must slather the chemicals on, check out this website for recommendations for safe and effective products. It is a very helpful source for making comparisons, when the labels are less than clear.

Peace, Hope

Little More Than A Servant and Baby Maker?

I was listening to NPR this morning on my way to Mass and briefly heard an interview with author, Lisa See, who has written a series of historical novels set in China, with the primary characters as women. According to one part of the interview that I heard, Ms. See refers to one of the characters in her novel as little more than a servant and baby maker. I have heard this phrase many times before, and unfortunately, it is often used by pseudo-feminists to describe the traditional role of women who tend the hearth and home. Perhaps, Ms. See just misspoke and was not describing her own view of the traditional role of women, I don't know.

It is true that women have been oppressed and demeaned in every time and place, that is nothing new. The sad thing today is hearing those who would consider themselves enlightened disregarding the indispensable role women have in their families. In many places and times, a woman's role in her family is her only source of power and esteem, and some would take even this from her.

I am certain some would consider me likewise, as little more than a servant and baby maker. It is true, I do little more than serve my family and care for my children. But, to consider me "little more than" this is judgemental and demeaning. In fact, it demeans the contributions of many strong, intelligent and virtuous women who have persevered in many cultures, places, and times through history doing the significant and timeless work of raising the next generation.

Can you imagine the phrase being applied to a person in another vocation? He was little more than a janitor. She was little more than a police officer. He was little more than a teacher. She was little more than an author.

Peace, Hope

Big Family Television

We do not have TV reception, but we do watch DVDs and videos on occasion. We rent from Netflix and can get some fun stuff that's not available at the local video store. My kids have really taken to old TV shows like The Brady Bunch and The Waltons. They love watching all the kids interact with the same sort of issues they experience with all their siblings. I especially like watching The Waltons. Perhaps I am romanticizing the era a bit -- it could not have been that easy to feed all those kids cooking over a wood-fired stove, and it IS a TV show, so not entirely realistic. However, what a quaint time to live. Everything just seems so slowed down and simple with few cars, no soccer practice, and bare feet. Though, I still look at all those kids around the dinner table and think, "now that's a lot of kids!"

Peace, Hope

Philadelphia Gone Mad

Our family has been on a trip to Philadelphia the last few days, visiting the usual Ben Franklin, Continental Congress, and Betsy Ross history. We also got to see King Tut - cool. It has been a fun, but sometimes trying experience. I have been reflecting on how to share some of my thoughts on this trip with readers. Traipsing about with the eight kids through a city, although not a foreign activity to us, still can be a bit of an organizational challenge. A test of patience too.

My kids have had their curiously piqued. My 6th grade daughter, studying Egyptian history next year, can't wait to get into it. My 3rd grade son, studying American history, has excitement about seeing things he will be reading about. My 9th grade son, who has Thomas Paine's Common Sense on his reading list, as well as many other books relating to our nation's founding, wants to start his reading early. All good, and make the trip worth its cost.

However, the kicker was my newly minted three year old showing off her well developed lungs for half an hour, in a room with, like, 100 foot ceilings (think echoes). It was so bad a security guard checked on us and we drew a crowd -- B.A.D, bad. At the end of it -- my twelve year old son gave her gum (that's what worked?), and she stopped screaming, but then I was crying. My husband was really stressed, and got impatient with my fourteen year old, who then started moping about as only a fourteen year old can. Fourteen year old then kicked the six year little brother who was being annoying as only a six year old little brother can be. Little brother got mad and it went on. Dominoes.


I know others look at us and think how perfectly behaved, how beautiful, and if only they had the patience or the (fill in the blank) they would do it too. I know this because people say it all the time. Obviously, we didn't get those comments Saturday at the museum, though. But people suggest that it takes some special sort to care for a big family, or that the family is a special sort that it makes it easy to care for. I would say it doesn't take anything special. God is the one who makes it special, we're just following his call. So, if you feel God's tug on your heart for just one more, think about it. It's not always easy, and it doesn't take a superhuman, but God will use it, all the good days and the bad, to get you to heaven.


Peace, Hope

The Mantra of a Home Worker

I took this quiz some time ago and discovered that I have a full blow addiction problem as defined by Workaholics Anonymous. Actually, it would be difficult to be a competent mother at all, let alone a mother of many, and not answer "yes" to many of the questions on the quiz. The truth is that mothering a houseful is a lot of work -- it is a lot of housework, organizing, meals and laundry, discipline, diapers and teaching. Even when you do get to sit down, there is someone there who must talk or must sit right on your lap. Nights don't necessarily bring much relief either, as the little nighttime visitors start trickling in sometime after midnight.

The question is then, how do we balance all this work and all the needs of the little people around us without getting discrouraged and burned out? One thing I have done is to create priorities. For me, there are a few key tasks that definitly need attention each day. These tasks form the backbone for my daily to do list. Attending to these priority tasks helps me to feel some success at the end of the day, even when it feels like I am not accomplishing much else. Mentally recalling my priorities has become a mantra, for as I think over and over, "what's next?" through the day, I just mentally consider what I have to do with my laundry, dinner, school, and desk work; laundry, dinner, school, desk; laundry, dinner, school, desk -- all day long.

1. LAUNDRY - I have learned by now that the laundry is hardly ever totally done. That would de a major accomplishment. However, I feel free knowing that even if the laundry is never done, I can keep up with it by doing some each day. With this in mind, I don't have the burden of doing the impossible task of finishing it all each day, but am empowered to keep up with some of it.

2. DINNER - Breakfast and lunch just seem to happen easily, and the kids are able to do most of the clean up of these meals. Dinner, though, has been a burden for me. By making it an item on my list of daily priorities, it gets the attention it deserves and I remember to think about it early in the day when I am making my plans. If I know what I am making for dinner before noon, and even pull a few things out, I feel so much better about this daily task. When I have a nice dinner on the table at the end of the day, I feel so much more successful about what I accomplished in the hours before. My kids and husband appreciate it to.

3. SCHOOL - I should have put school first, but having this task on my everyday to-do list is a reminder to me that a priority is to keep the kids on task, to give structure to their day, to be available to look over work and answer questions, and to give my pre-schoolers some one-on-one teaching time. When I commit myself to giving each of my children some focused attention with school work, I feel much more encouraged about my accomplishments.

4. DESK WORK - The requirements of this task vary more than the others from day to day, but it is an important area to give attention to in order to keep everyone and every task organized. Each morning I check over my e-mails, check my calendar, determine what errands I need to do and when, add to my shopping lists, check who I need to make calls to, look over our bank accounts, and make plans for when to pay the bills. Taking some uninterrupted time each morning for some planning enables me to write a list of secondary priorities. Being organized in this way enables me know exactly what I can get accomplished when I have a moment here and there through the day. This is a big stress reliever, as I don't have to worry about what I am not getting done or what I am forgetting because I have already done the thinking ahead of time.

This little system is so helpful and flexible. There are those days where I may make a nicer dinner and give less attention to the laundry, or I may have a laundry marathon and plan for a simple dinner. This works because my priorities are determined ahead of time and as the craziness of the day takes over I can hang on to my established daily routines and my thoughtfully written to-do list to keep me sane and successful.

Laundry, Dinner, School, Desk

Peace, Hope

Children in Church

We always go to Mass. We find somewhere to go when we travel, and it is never in question whether to attend when we're home. A person in our family has to be pretty sick to be exempted. Cultivating this attitude has brought many blessings to us. One, we have great friends at Church. Two, we never argue with the children about going. Three, our family worships together, and God has bestowed many graces for our obedience, and the children have learned where our faith falls in our priorities, it is number #1. Also, note, we always take our children to Mass, from the Sunday when our first-born was three days old, to now attending with eight kids, aged 14 down to 18 months. I write this to encourage others to do the same, so what follows are some suggestions to make your Sundays work more smoothly.

1. Start the evening before. Make sure everyone gets a good dinner, a warm bath, hair-washed, nails clipped, a cozy story and an early bedtime. Also, make sure that Sunday clothes and shoes are clean and ready to go.

2. Get up with plenty of time to get ready. The first thing I do is lay things out for a simple breakfast. Also, I pack what we need to go: sippy cups, small religious books, baby sling, offering, and anything I need for someone I may see. Then I get my shower before everyone else arises.

3. After the kids are up, they know the routine, quick breakfast and straight upstairs to brush teeth, wash faces, comb hair and get dressed. They have designated Church clothes, so they know exactly what to where. They must get dressed to the shoes before they can do anything else. During this time, we usually have dad or a big kid minding the kitchen, making sure the little children get fed and the dishes get done. I am directing everyone to their task of getting ready, while dressing the babies. Lastly, I have a few minutes to quickly get dressed.

4. Before we leave I make sure each child gets a sip of water and visits the bathroom. If I lived farther away, I would do this after arriving and before taking our seats. Unless there is an emergency, we do not allow the children to take trips to the bathroom during Mass.

5. Another rule: find your place and stay seated, no musical chairs. It helps not to let "problem siblings" to sit near to each other. Also, keep little ones on your lap. They learn to be content in firm and loving arms, especially when given some hugs, tender kisses and whispers.

6. We don't take our kitchen and playroom with us. The only exception may be a sippy or a little picture Bible for our littles. It is a distraction to have toys, books, papers, crayons, food, etc.. for kids to drop, shuffle about, fight over and eventually become bored with anyway. It is a good discipline for kids to learn to sit still for this limited amount of time. They definitely can do it.

7. Sit near the front. Although it is tempting to hide in the back for a quick exit, it usually invites trouble for us. One, that's where all the kids with the toys and food are, so my kids are naturally curious and distracted by that scene. Also, the children cannot see what's going on. When we sit near the front they learn so much of the liturgy of the Mass and actually listen to the homily and scripture readings.

8. If we must step out with a little one, baby or toddler, they are not rewarded with a nursery or "cry room" experience. They don't get toys or get to toddle about with friends. They are held in my arms in the back of the Church. I may pace about, rock back and forth, or sit and nurse a fussy baby, but they don't get to play.

9. Lastly, praise and reward. Tell your kids how great they were! Maybe they were super polite to an elderly person, or kind to a younger sibling, or very attentive and reverent. Whatever it was find something to let them know you noticed them trying to be good. Then pull out the Sunday treats! We are pretty health food conscious during the week, which makes the donuts and coffee cake we enjoy on Sunday extra special. We also reserve Sunday as a day of rest and family recreation, so the kids always look forward to spending the day together, especially with their daddy.

New Perspective on Cooking

I have mentioned before that when I get down about a household task, I think of women with the same tasks, but much less accommodating circumstances. Laundry is one chore that tends to get me down, another is cooking. It seems like there is always someone around here who’s hungry. So, a big boo-hoo to me, as I walk to a full pantry and a new refrigerator to choose the ingredients for the next family meal. I can even turn on my stove with the turn of a knob. Imagine how I’d complain if I had to fetch the firewood before dawn and start a fire to make breakfast. Wow, we westerners are spoiled!

God, thank you for clean, healthy food and water to feed my growing family, and help us to be grateful for the work and sacrifice that went into every bite we take. Be with those who are truly hungry and thirsty, God bless them.

Peace, Hope

Response to Comment, Looking Good for God or Man

A reader commented the following in response to An Authentic Show.

"You are what you are in the eyes of God, and nothing else."- St. Francis of Assissi

I tend to disagree with your statement, "I want to make a good impression and represent big families and my Catholic faith well." We should avoid scandal, but I think it is an error to attempt to 'look good' in the sight of people who are looking with the eyes of the world. Our judgments are based on the combination of our perceptions and our premises. A worldly premise will always lead to a worldly judgment, no matter what evidence is presented.Avoid giving any evidence of violation of the natural law, which you and the worldlings share alike. But even so, do that for God, not for men, and ignore the rest.Will people always make their little comments? Of course. Remember that your life is a standing rebuke to every person living a materialistic lifestyle.

"Let us therefore lie in wait for the just, because he is not for our turn, and he is contrary to our doings, and upbraideth us with transgressions of the law, and divulgeth against us the sins of our way of life." (Wisdom 2:12)

God love you for wanting to make the Faith look good. But that is not a task for you. The appeal of the Faith is not you or I, but Jesus Christ. Let them see Jesus Christ in you, and you have represented the Faith well. So let me ask you this, are people more inclined to see Jesus Christ in you if your family measures up well to the standards of the world, or if their curses and insults are returned only with kindness?

"Blessed are ye when they shall revile you, and persecute you, and speak all that is evil against you, untruly, for my sake: Be glad and rejoice, for your reward is very great in heaven." (Matthew 5:11-2)

Point taken! Absolutely, my concern should not be for worldly praise. The eyes of men are not the eyes of God. I think, however, the main point of the essay was to work towards the development of virtue. This work towards virtue, done for the love of God, will empower us to present ourselves properly, as ambassadors of Christ.

I think it is important to remember, though, that by virtue of vocation, some have more of a struggle living in the world, but not of the world. At times, for me, I think it would be easier to wear a nun's habit, so that everyone just had an apparent explanation for my counter cultural lifestyle. A nun's dress would satisfy curiosities about my Catholic oddities. As it is, I have to appear to be normal, even with a long string of kids, behaving in various shades of good or bad, depending on the day, while people comment ("How do you do it?" "You must be a saint!" "It's superwoman!" No, I'm just a normal person with a lot of kids) or suggesting I should be turned into Child Protective Services for snarling at a kid (Doesn't every mom do this now and then, even moms of two? I really do love my kids, all eight of them!).

I don't know if all this is making my point, but I guess I am saying that ultimately, yes, all that matters is that we do the will of God, and if that is what we are doing, then nothing else matters. Overt concern with the thoughts of men are sheer vanity and pride. However, it can be a struggle to be cast in the limelight whenever one is in public, just because you have eight kids. Truly, imagine that everywhere you went, every time you went out, eyes followed you and your children around. I do think this issue is worth addressing, just because it is a very real occurrence for big families.

Peace, Hope

Response to Mother of One

I have had it on my mind to comment on a couple of posts found in my comment section. So, even though it has been a few days, I am going to try to get to them both today. Here's the first:

As the mother of an only child, I would like to offer you one piece of advice (in two parts) to help your big family look good to smaller families:a. When a parent of fewer children is complaining about something her child did or feeling overwhelmed, never say, "You think that's bad? Just imagine dealing with that AND four other kids!"b. When a parent is talking about something she does that you don't do, never say, "Oh, that's great, but it's just not possible to do that with a bigger family."I hear both of these surprisingly often, and they strike hard at my general tendency to view moms of many with awe and respect!

Thank you, and I agree, constant references to family size can be tedious. I do have one friend who has several children, and she does tend to frequently refer to the number. I tend to get tired of people always referring to our number of children and making comparisons, just like you. Except it's in reverse! I have friends with small families who reference some challenge with their child or with housework, and it's they who say, "Well I'm sure you have it much worse," or some such comment. My response is always something like, "well laundry is laundry, and it's never fun." I really believe that we cannot know the stresses or challenges of another, and even though a family only has 1 or 2 children, they may be dealing with issues that does make their day to day life more difficult.

However, I would add, that perhaps the mother with many children who is making the comments about the magnitude of her challenges, is truly overwhelmed. Many children do bring much work, and perhaps this lady is feeling the burden. I am very grateful for my friends who have smaller families who offer to give rides to my children to events or take on the brunt of organizing things at Church for all our children.

Your second point is about mothers referring to things you can do that they aren't able to do, given the size of their crew. I may be guilty of this! I don't know what others' motivation is, but I can tell you mine. In fact, this is a topic I have intended to write about, but I'll just touch on it now. I think this may stem from guilt! Often I envy the mother who has fewer children and has time. She has time to go on neat field trips, time to organize home school theatre productions, time to do cool time lines and unit studies and crafts. Perhaps this comment is more of a compliment about all the nice things you do for your child, nice things that a mother of many looks upon with a touch of envy.

I guess, in a way, these comments, and your reactions, is about a perceived divide. A perceived divide between big families and smaller families. I just don't think one really exists. Where there are misunderstandings, let charity reign.

Peace, Hope

Enough Sleep?

Our summer schedule officially starts today. We're a little behind in forming the actual new routine, but one thing I do know is that my children are not going to regularly sleep in late or spend all day on computer games. I told my oldest three that they had to get up on their own when their 7:30 alarm goes off or there are extra chores to do. Surprisingly, they came up with the extra chores part and were very willing to continue getting up at a decent time. With this in mind, I decided to do a little research into sleep recommendations and come up with some reasonable bed times as well. Not that we haven't had bed times and rising times in the past, but I find transitions to be an opportunity to reassess things and re-institute good habits. So, find below the general sleep recommendations for people of all ages from the National Sleep Foundation.

INFANTS
(0 to 2 months): ................10-1/2 to 18 hours*
(2-12 months): ...........................14 to 15 hours*
TODDLERS/CHILDREN
(12-18 months): ........................13 to 15 hours*
(18 months-3 years): ...............12 to 14 hours*
(3-5 years): ..................................11 to 13 hours*
(5-12 years): ....................................9 to 11 hours
ADOLESCENTS
8-1/2 to 9-1/2 hours
ADULTS
7 to 9 hours

Peace, Hope

New Perspective on Laundry

When I start feeling down about various household tasks before me, I imagine having to do the same task in a developing country. What would my laundry situation be like if I lived in a hut in Asia? I imagine I would be the laughing stock of the neighborhood carting our 2-3 daily loads of laundry down to the river. I guess with the ease of merely pushing buttons to do the laundry, we gain LOTS of laundry.

I don't have to schlep the laundry of ten down to a river, just from the hamper to the washing machine, about three feet. I still complain. I have even been known to cry about it. We do have a lot of laundry, but crying about it is a bit dramatic, I know. I can just see God looking down at my spoiled little self and just shaking his head. At the same time, somewhere there is a courageous Laotian woman kneeling on the muddy shore rinsing out the family clothes. I will not complain. Thank you, God, for nice clothes to put on the healthy bodies of my beautiful children, and the simple means of keeping everyone looking clean and neat. Now, back to the laundry room.

Peace, Hope

A Not-So-Heroic Moment

"Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment, getting up on the dot, at a set time, without granting a single minute to laziness. If with the help of God, you conquer yourself in the moment, you have accomplished a great deal for the rest of the day. It's so discouraging to find yourself beaten in the first skirmish." (Saint Escriva, The Way, 191)

I awoke this morning with dreaded thoughts of the day to come. So, what is sometimes referred to as the "heroic moment," the first opportunity we have as we awaken to turn our thoughts to God, offering our day to Him, and heroically, immediately, joyfully rising without hesitation, was completely fumbled by me. I put the pillow over my head, made some excuses as to why I could stay in bed a little longer, and fed my discouragement. The truth is, I don't like Mondays, and this Monday was going to be a challenge. I went away this weekend with my three youngest and my older son, leaving my husband with the four others. Besides the normal things we have on Mondays...CCD, soccer practice, music lessons and some school work to finish for the year; I also have to add tons of laundry, a messy checkbook, dinner to make, an important meeting for my husband tonight, preparation for my educational consultant meeting tomorrow morning, and organizing my older boys into some neighborhood yard work. ARGH, can't I just sleep a little longer? The house is quiet and I am T-I-R-E-D!

So, all this is to say is that I failed my first test of the day. I was grumpy too. I write this not to encourage you to do likewise, but to remind you that we who write blogs to share all of the things we do right also get a'lot wrong. The next time I feel like shutting the world down and going back to bed, I need to remember to offer it up, get up, and be a hero!

Peace, Hope

Earth Day

I like taking opportunities to reevaluate my lifestyle and/or teach a lesson to my family. Earth day is perfect for this. It is good to ask ourselves how steeped in the materialistic and excessive American culture we are and whether God would call us to greater stewardship. I think as parents of larger families, too, it is important to demonstrate that we can raise our children thoughtfully, generously, but with moderation. Many of the large families I know do find ways to creatively stretch their resources, becoming good stewards of their families and environments.

For some relevant reading regarding Earth Day and big families see here and here. For my own family, although we are still working on being more thrifty, we do try to keep our lifestyle and consumption balanced. Some choices we have made to lighten our impact on the earth are to live in a neighborhood, in town. That way the kids and I use our own two legs or bikes to get to where we need to go. We walk to soccer, ballet, church, the library, post office, coffee shop, haircuts, music lessons, etc. So although we have a 15 passenger van, we make limited use of it. My husband takes public transportation to his office in the city too!

We try to "eat locally", as in we try to find food sources that support our local economy, are raised with minimal chemicals, and don't need fossil fuels to be transported across a continent, from the farm to our kitchen table. So, we enjoy our locally raised, organic chicken and beef, eggs, and milk (in glass bottles!), all delivered to our door too! We just joined a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), so we will have local, seasonal, fresh and organic produce brought to our home each week during the growing season. I walk to our local farm market on Saturday mornings, and have a tiny (but growing) garden in our backyard. I also started a co-op and order bulk, organic items that are delivered to my home once a month. Not only do these food choices reduce our impact on the earth, it also supports the local economy, helps our children to see where their food is coming from and the work involved in growing it, and it fosters the community, as neighbors cooperate to acquire these foods. It is a real blessing, and the fact is, it doesn't cost more than shopping at the local store (which I unfortunately still have to do at times).

And for whatever it is worth, we recycle all of our paper, cardboard, glass and aluminum and make attempts to reduce our home energy consumption --- I am a broken record, "Did you turn the lights out?" "Turn that light off!" "Why are all these lights on?" Or, kid to mom, "I'm cold," said with pathetic shiver, and Mom to kid, "Put a sweater on, it IS winter."

All this is to say that the above description is what our family has been able to do, there are many things that we can't do with what God has given us, or don't do at all because we're failed humans and spoiled Americans. However, we try to set new goals to be better stewards with each Earth Day. Your family may be called to do some of the same things we have done, or God may call you to other areas of stewardship. I think the key point mindfulness.

Check out your family's environmental footprint here, and for some suggestions on how to minimize your ecological impact check out the site here.

Peace, Hope

Kill Your Television

Television Turn-off Week begins this Monday! It runs from April 23 thru 29. Check out http://www.tvturnoff.org/. Honestly, this is a great website; take some time looking through it. I highly recommend a weekend meeting with your family to discuss shutting down the TVs for a week, make a plan!

Back in my more radical days I drove a car with a bumper sticker that read, "Kill your television." Actually, if I had to put an anti-tv sticker on my car today it might read something like, "Television is Killing America." It would be difficult to make an argument that there is any source more influential than television on modern America. Television influences our eating habits by marketing the infamously unhealthy diet of most Americans. Television viewers, lulled into passivity, spend hours being unproductive. Further, according to abundant research, habitual viewing negatively impacts a person's basic outlook and sensibilities, predisposes one to violence and hyperactivity, lowers IQ, decreases reading ability, reduces imagination, inhibits play, limits critical thinking, diminishes self-image, negatively skews our perception of others, and lowers our values in general. Television harms our health, our minds, and our relationships. With all this in mind, do yourself a favor and turn off your TV for ONE WEEK, and then FOREVER. Why wouldn't you?

Peace, Hope